All these marriage blogs are giving me a headache

Is anyone else with me? Since when did 20-somethings become marriage experts?

WISDOM COMES WITH AGE AND EXPERIENCE!

...none of which do I have in any sort of excess. If I have presumed myself to be more knowledgeable on this subject than I actually am, please accept my sincerest apology. But seriously, all these 23, 24, and 25 reasons for blah blah blah sure sound cool and maybe make us feel good when we read them, and then we want to give our computer screen a high-five and make sure all of our facebook friends read them too, especially #17! And, okay, maybe some of the articles in question (and by some I mean there's only one, that I've read) are well thought-out and/or humble, but it makes me so tired to read other kids' opinions being asserted as truths, or American youths' limited, narrow-scoped arguments posing as widely-accepted, highly-followed, generously-reposted "sound advice" that everyone should take.

Giving. Me. A. Migraine.

Here's a quick background, reference list for you:

1) I AM 24 and I DO fall under the aforementioned categories of "kids" and "American youths", i.e. I'm a "millennial" (another headache-inducing pop culture term for another day's discussion). I realize I'm bemoaning marriage blogs as I write one, and maybe I'm hypocritical for writing about younguns as a youngun, but I'm also saying that I know very little, and what I am proposing, I've learned from people much older, smarter, wiser, etc., than I am.

2) I am married and still in the honeymoon phase, i.e. we run grocery errands together 90% of the time and love to hold hands. Which leads me to...

3) I am highly inexperienced when it comes to marriage.

4) I haven't had many hardships in my life, thanks in part to my baby-boomer parents who worked their behinds off to make life comfortable for us, the millennial children who feel entitled and want for nothing. (Of course I realize I am over-generalizing the generational stereotypes, but I'm just trying to fit in with everyone else.)

5) I am working on my Masters and will likely continue to further my education for several years to come, which I guess means I surprisingly still have ambition, even though I've got the ole ball-and-chain.

6) I've traveled to 13 countries, lived abroad in Spain, kissed a stranger (oops!), been in a band or two, and been more selfish than a person should ever be. I have experienced Fallas in Spain, felt rain in Venezuela, waded through sewage in Haiti, and witnessed Salat in Morocco. I haven't "copped out" or "missed out" according to millennial standards. This does NOT make me cool or better than anybody else. It just means I was born into a middle-class family in America who can afford to send me places, and I happened to decide that I wanted to travel. This numerical point is not an attempt to toot my own little kazoo, I promise. And if you've never done a single one of these things, I'm not going to judge you. I'm trying to say that I don't fit the stereotype of a young, married Mrs., that I've done some things on some people's lists, and guess what? These experiences that we "owe ourselves" (see entitlement) DON'T FULFILL, and in itself, neither does marriage.

Here's the bottom line (and this is coming from the Bible and 50-year experts, NOT me): marriage is hard and refining like fire, requires sacrifice from both parties, and is not for everyone. It demands 100% commitment and dedication and is ridiculously worth it - so I hear, believe, and hope. Whether you get married at 23 or 53, these things are the same.

This is my opinion, and it could be wrong - have I mentioned that I'm 24 and still VERY inexperienced in LIFE? Marriages don't fail because people marry young. I do think often times that can play a role; however, ULTIMATELY, and again, this is my opinion, more often than not marriages fail because one or both people are expecting marriage to make them happy. This is NOT the purpose of marriage. This can happen at age 24 after 7 months of marriage, or at age 74 after 50 years of marriage. If at any point, marriage becomes about self-gratification - if it goes from self-sacrificing to self-serving - it's destined for failure. Simple as that.

Unfortunately, we live in a country and an era where our existence is all about us. "Do what makes you happy." "Find yourself." "Carpe Diem." And in these modern times, our catchphrases are being applied to marriage, too. That's a problem.

I guess the point I'm trying to drive home is this: entitlement and selfishness go hand-in-hand and tell us that we should do what makes us happy, and when we aren't happy, we shouldn't do it (which is why monogamy and selfishness are antithetical). You aren't ready for marriage after you've made yourself happy, or learned to love yourself, or traveled to 13 or 75 countries, or completed all of your school, or explored every religion. It's that exact mentality of self-gratification and experiment-until-you-find-what-you-like (at-this-exact-moment-in-time) that ultimately sets a marriage up for failure. When we base preparedness on general factors of selfishness, we are really preparing to become unhappy and move on at some point in the future.

I'm not even sure anyone is ever really ready for marriage, unless maybe you've done it before. I'd say you're on your way when you can a) realize that it is HARD, b) be willing to put someone else's needs before your own, and c) stick to a commitment, even when the going gets tough or it doesn't make you feel good. For some people, that's at 16; for others, it's at 30; for others, it's at 50. Even then, some people are total pros at selflessness and still aren't married. Some are completely selfish and have been married for 50 years. Unfortunately, I don't think there's a tried-and-true formula for you to plug in your stats to see if it's the "right" time for you to get married. I know that God has blessed me with a man who loves Him more than me, is very selfless, and is willing to work at our marriage for the rest of his life, and God gave him to me at the ripe age of 23. I then talked to a lot of people, read a lot of books, and most importantly, trusted in the Lord, and we got married. Maybe in 60 years I'll be able to tell you if I think I missed out because I married young, or if traveling some really made me more prepared, or if by the grace of God alone, we somehow made it through.

I also think we should STOP comparing our lives to the lives of others. This nasty side effect of selfishness is called discontentment. We're never quite happy with what we have, and often times, that can lead to haters hating on what other people do have. After all, didn't the first article get started because the author was questioning her status as compared to that of her facebook friends? I have a friend who got married at 20 and now stays home with her 10-month-old baby, a friend who, at 29, is divorced and in the healthiest place she's ever been in her life, and another friend who is 40, not married, and the most mature and caring person you'll ever meet. Marriage doesn't make someone, or his/her life, better or worse - just different. Nobody's story is like anyone else's, and whether we like it or not, each of our stories is just a small blip in history.

So c'mon, millennials... let's rally to get over ourselves and our somehow inherent desire to serve ourselves. Let's stop judging our lives or the lives of others based on some fabricated criteria that have no real value. Let's start thinking bigger thoughts, ones that go beyond the simpleton idea that we should do/have/get whatever we want. I think if we can realize that making ourselves happy isn't the most important thing in life, we might just have a chance at truly successful lives, and marriages, again, beginning at any age.